Joke of the Day

"This is what I love about America. According to a new report, after people started getting their government stimulus checks in the mail, internet porn sites had a 30% increase. You know what that means? People use their stimulus package to stimulate their packages." --Jay Leno


Ow. Wei Shengchu, 58, a supporter of traditional Chinese medicine, poses for photos with his head covered with acupuncture needles depicting 205 national flags and an Olympic torch, in front of Beijing Railway Station July 7, 2008. Wei wanted to express his well wishes for the upcoming Beijing Olympic Games as well as to promote traditional Chinese medicine, local media reported.
Photo/Henry Lee

It seems that there was this Trucker who was offered a huge bonus to deliver a load of desperately needed freight to a distance designation.
He mentally calculates the distance and time of travel and decides that sure he can manage to deliver the freight on time for that huge bonus and makes the agreement to deliver on time.
But soon our hero's truck develops mechanical problems and is delayed for three hours while the mechanic works on his truck, which puts him three hours behind schedule.
He says to himself,” No sweat, I can skip lunch and dinner and with a little breaking of the speed limit I can still deliver on time"

Along about dusk the hunger and fatigue strikes him and he decides that he can make a quick stop at this all-night Diner down the road for a quick cup of coffee and a couple of donuts and a hamburger to go.


He places his order with the waitress who seems friendly and attractive enough. She offers quick service which he appreciates.
While he is enjoying the most excellent coffee and delicious donuts, he espies the cook through the serving window. The cook is huge and fat and wearing a cut off sleeved tee shirt with an undesirable color. He watches the cook take the ground up meat roll it into a ball and mash it flat underneath his arm near the armpit and tosses it one the grill. Soon his to go hamburger arrives and he tells the cute waitress; I'm sorry Dear but I'll not take the hamburger to go because I watched how the cook prepared it!
She replies, "Oh Honey that's nothing, you should have been here earlier when he was making the donuts"!

dayum

A woman was seeing an analysts for her "emotional" problem.......................
The psychoanalyst asked her "Do you ever smoke after sex"?
She replied,"I'm not really sure Doctor because I never look to see".............

Q: Why do Scotsmen wear kilts?
A: Sheep can hear zippers..................................................................

...sheep don't even hear the gaffer tape...


...or the sound of the stanley knife clicking out of its enclosure.

Bassnik wrote:

...sheep don't even hear the gaffer tape...


...or the sound of the stanley knife clicking out of its enclosure.

This is a joke,right?..........I can't fathom the punch line unless you are into the mode of dead sheep tell no tales?hahahahaha

yeesssssssssssss...... a joke...... yeah, that works.

i'm not really into the whole setup/punchline thing. My humour works more like free jazz

although, i thought of a really bad one today.

Q) What's the difference between George W. Bush, Osama bin Laden and Tony Blair?

A) Nothing, they're all murderous fuqheads with superiority complexes.

finally australia and new zealand arent mentioned in the same sentence as sheep......the rubber boot (wellies/wellington/galooshes) jokes were getting ho hum

http://www.adultsheepfinder.com/

Bassnik wrote:

yeesssssssssssss...... a joke...... yeah, that works.

i'm not really into the whole setup/punchline thing. My humour works more like free jazz

although, i thought of a really bad one today.

Q) What's the difference between George W. Bush, Osama bin Laden and Tony Blair?

A) Nothing, they're all murderous fuqheads with superiority complexes.

Dude,that's the truth and not a joke.
I figured that your jokes would be of the Gonzo variety..........................

luvya wrote:

finally australia and new zealand arent mentioned in the same sentence as sheep......the rubber boot (wellies/wellington/galooshes) jokes were getting ho hum

http://www.adultsheepfinder.com/

hahaahahahah,thanks for the link....................

this pic needs no comment

we breed em tuff downunder!!

LOL nice one!

ok hemmy pay out my countries education ssystem, i dare ya!!!


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jX_dItS1ukI

Subject: Rare Medical
Condition



A man and a woman were sitting beside each other in the first class
Section

of an airplane. The woman sneezed, took out a tissue, gently Wiped
her nose,

then visibly shuddered for ten to fifteen seconds. Thinking nothing
of it,

the man went back to his reading. A few minutes later, the woman
sneezed

again, took a tissue, wiped her nose,then shuddered violently once
more.

Assuming that the woman had a cold, the man was somewhat curious
about the

shuddering. A few more minutes passed when the woman sneezed yet
again. As

before, she took a tissue, wiped her nose, her body shaking even more
than

before. Unable to restrain his curiosity, the man finally turned to
the

woman And said, 'I couldn't help but notice that you've sneezed

three times,

wiped your nose and then

shuddered violently.


Are you okay?'

'I am sorry if I disturbed you,' she replied. 'I have a very rare

medical condition -- whenever I sneeze I have an orgasm.' The man,
although more

than a bit embarrassed, was still curious. 'I have never heard of
that

condition before,' he said. 'Are you taking anything for it?'



The woman nodded. 'Pepper.

Gas-saving tip#9: always try to drive downhill.

The dyslexic version: Hit Shappens.


I like to call doctors' offices and ask if THEY'D mind holding.


Morally bankrupt and proud.

Pick one: ___Shit ___Go Blind

Thank God for Spell Chack.

Car thieves: you're not just stealing my car. You're stealing my HOME.